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| This is our house 10% of the time or so... Oh, the noise.... |
It hit me hard for the first time Wednesday night. Avery was cranky and crying on and off. She's touchy at bedtime - going to sleep is SO upsetting, what if you miss something? - so I put her on the floor of the nursery to play while I got Quinn ready for bed (we usually do this together, but I think Chris was in the shower). About an ounce into Quinn's bottle, Avery lost her shit. She flipped onto her back and just started screammingggggg with her arms reaching up. Now, at not quite 6 months, they haven't mastered the "pick me up" move, but this was the closest she's come. She locked eyes with me and just cried pathetically.
Its generally my policy to attend (when we're talking about sleep) to the less upset baby first, get that one settled, then move on.
Quinn isn't a great eater at bedtime anyway, so I wasn't going to interrupt her bottle to pick up Avery, then see if it was even possible (unlikely) to console her while feeding a rather tired Quinn.
So she cried until Quinn finished her 3.5 oz and was happily munching on her hand and soothing herself to sleep.
Oye.
That "why are you holding her and not meeeeeee" cry was surely the first of many (or the first I've recognized). Maybe it'll get less guilt inducing?
There's more Mom Guilt to come from this week, but I'll have to write about that later today...
I COMPLETELY understand the feeling. You're immediately outnumbered with twins. There are times when I'm feeding one baby while the other sits in front of me in the bouncy chair wailing. The girls, especially my Quinn, has mastered the "arms reached out, pick me up now!" move. She also will lock eyes with me and look so sad. Teagan has an equally sad cry. I try not to feel guilty anymore. I'm doing the best I can, is what I remind myself!
ReplyDeletewow, that's such a tough situation to be in! I feel so fortunate to have been the parent of only one child while I was still learning to navigate and balance those sorts of emotional things. I'm curious what will happen in a few months when I, too, have to make tough choices about who to soothe, who needs me more. What a tough time, Mama! It sounds like you did the best you could, and that will always be enough.
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